Adjustments

I can't believe it's been so long since my last post! Boy, have we been busy! It's nice to be busy, but it's starting to feel like there aren't enough hours in the day! I have discovered that I don't need as much sleep as I used to. I've been getting by on about 5 hours and a lot of coffee!
I have completed my first week of massage school! I was so worried about Michael and being gone for so long (5 hours), but he has been amazing! Not fussy or seeming overly upset. And he is so adorable when I come home! Just sooo happy to see mommy! Auggy has definitely been struggling with it. He gets really clingy in the morning, and he said he doesn't want to go to his school, he wants to come with me to mine. It makes me sad to see him missing me so much! But, I know once I'm gone, he has fun with daddy. I was surprised at how much homework there is for this school! I have been struggling to get it and all the reading done! Hence, the less sleep. Staying up late to get it done after the kids go to bed.
I was never a very good student in the past. I always got good grades because I could absorb the information easily, and never really developed good studying habits. I am determined to make a better effort this time around. I will do all the reading, no matter how boring the text! I will study my notes and restudy them! I must! There is so much to learn...our bodies are complicated!
Dave took Michael to his baby group last week, and will be doing it every week until I finish school. He didn't say much about it, but I think it'll be good to see how Michael is with other kids, and just to get to be more involved with his development.
Michael is just doing so amazing! He's really trying to communicate with us. He points at stuff and blurts out a babble, but it seems like he's really trying to SAY something about that thing! He also has been signing for "all done" when eating, too! And, he can point to my nose when asked! And he can do most of the motions to the itsy bitsy spider.
After he was born, I joined all these on line groups for DS. Babycenter group, 3 or 4 FB groups, plus the ones we go to in person. I find that I don't really like the on line ones so much. Maybe it's selfishsof me, but I don't like reading about all the problems everyone has with their magic babes. It's not that I don't care about these people and what they are going through...I just don't want to think about what could potentially happen with Michael. I like to take things day by day and enjoy him as he is, not worry about what could be. Does that make sense? I mean, it's great there is so much support out there for the families who have a lot of issues, and I hope for the best for them, but deep inside of me, I am hoping so strongly that we don't ever have to deal with those issues ourselves! I just want my Michael to be the sweet, happy, healthy boy he is, and that's it! But, then I think, what if problems pop up down the road and I don't deserve the support from these people because I'm not putting in my time now?
I also wonder about the therapists he has right now, as well as the ones he'll get after he turns 3. Are they good ones? Dave asked me the other day if I liked them and why. I thought about it, and I realized that I like them, but I also have nothing to compare them to. How do I know if they are doing the best for Michael? I've never had to compare therapists before. How do you know if yours is good or not? His PT seems pretty good, she works him hard and shows me things I can do to help him progress...and he IS progressing very well! His educator, though, I don't know...she's nice, but how can you tell if she's doing good or not? All they do is sing songs and play. What  else can you do as a baby? She signs to him, too, when singing and asking questions. So, that's good...?
Is it possible to observe other counties and see what their therapists do? If it turns out another county nearby has better services, should we move? Is that fair to Auggy when he is making friends here and is happy? What about schools for Michael? It's really hard to find stuff out about inclusion and what to expect down the road. We want the best opportunities for Michael. But also for Auggy, so should we move for the better of one child vs the other? Or do we try to find a middle ground for the both of them?
Obviously, we have a couple years before it matters, but, time flies, and if I wait too long, the time will be here, and we won't have planned for it! Once I finish school, we can live anywhere. But, I don't want to move! I finally have some friends of my own, and I love Monterey! Hopefully, we can just find everything we need here!
My mom was visiting last week. It's always fun to have people visit, especially when they can really see the changes in the boys since they don't see them every day! There was a picture of Michael laying around from January, and she asked who it was! He has changed so much since then, looks completely different! Not to mention he is so mobile and, just bigger. He has his own little personality! He is super funny and sweet, but not afraid to stand up for himself!  Here's a little video of his funny side, playing pass back with daddy and a pack of wipes:

Ramblings redux

Ok, now that some of my psychosis has worn off, I will try again! What psychosis? I started my period after 23 months of not having it. TMI? Maybe, but damn! I forgot how much they suck! I mean, I guess I'm happy to know I'm not in early menopause, but...that's about it. Otherwise, it just blows! I've been on an emotional roller coaster for the last week! Still a little rocky, but I can somewhat discern crazy from reality. And, really, you should feel sorry for my family! They should get a week long vacation every month! Or, free therapy sessions for the trauma I may have caused! Maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but...maybe not! I am, after all, rewriting this blog, so what does that tell ya?
Anywho, Auggy has been back in preschool for a couple weeks now, and it's been pretty great! We moved him to a morning, 5 days a week class, so he is definitely tired! But, he loves it. He's making some new friends, as am I. And Michael. Well, I'm pretty sure he thinks its his school, too. He loves crawling around, playing with the toys, the big kids, the mommies. He also loves circle time and the songs and the storybook. It is so good for him! Plus, he still goes to his baby group every week and has play time and circle time, too. And, we scaled back his home visits because he is kicking so much butt! I am so proud of that little bug! He will be walking soon, I'm sure of it!
One thing I love about Auggy's preschool is getting to see other parenting styles. I am so amazed at how some of the moms (and dads) are so patient with their kids, and get right down into it and play with them like they're a kid, too. I'd like to think if I didn't have Michael with me, I would, too...? But, really, I am jealous of the positive style that so many have. I need their advice! I mean, I really try positive discipline. We give Auggy tickets for different behavioral things (they are worth 10 cents and he's already bought 2 things with his earnings!), I give him choices when I need him to do something or to change a bad behavior, I give him a limit and a countdown to change his behavior before the limit is put into place. But, when you have a child that doesn't care what the consequence is, what do you do? He would rather lose a privilege than change his behavior! So, I don't give in, but, inevitably, I lose my patience! Probably once a day or every other day, I have a parenting fail. Lose my patience and yell, (even when I know it's ineffective, I do it anyway...duh!) and then I feel like crap for A. blowing it as a parent and B. hurting Auggy's feelings.
I have to figure it out, though, by the time Michael is old enough to be acting like this, because he will present a whole other challenge, and he certainly won't understand me losing my cool! I look at his sweet face now, and think, he could never be difficult! But, he will. He is a boy and he will become defiant. He already is getting to be a little stubborn! Protesting getting in the car seat or high chair. He thinks its funny to stiffen his legs and not sit down. I think it's cute that he thinks its so funny, but, at the same time I am amazed he has figured that out! Sometimes, I just think he doesn't seem so delayed! But, he doesn't talk yet, or walk yet, and he is still little, more babyish than toddlerish. But, I don't mind. I love my little cuddle bug!
Speaking of cuddles, ask anyone, Michael is THE BEST hugger I've ever met, in a baby! He actually wraps his arms around you and squeezes tight! Sometimes, he'll even do a shoulder pat! So cute! Sometimes when I'm feeling stressed out, or frazzled, I'll get one of those special Michael Bug squeezes, and it'll all melt away, leaving behind nothing but warmth!
People genuinely adore Michael. People are attracted to him, dote on him, think he's the cutest baby they've ever seen. I tend to agree! I just hope the positive vibes continue as he passes out of babyhood into another world more filled with judgement. I know there will be people who do judge him, but, I hope I can protect him from them, let him only feel the love. I want that for Auggy, too. I don't want him to see people as better, or worse, than he is. I want him to see differences, for sure, because that's what makes the world so interesting, is our differences. But, I want him to celebrate those differences, not separate himself from them. I want him to be open to everyone, so Michael can feel that openness, too. I have to watch myself around Auggy because he is so observant. He will know if I am judging. I don't want to judge. When I find myself doing it, I try to take myself out of the situation, and try to imagine that person as themself only and not the thing that I am seeing and judging. Everyone is special and unique, and can offer something, I just have to see it. The world does not revolve around me and my...whatever. I want Auggy to see that, too. I want Michael to see that, too. If we can remove ourselves from the drama of the moment, maybe then we can really see what's there. And if we can do that, then maybe we will be less likely to pass judgement on others, and just be open to all people and all situations. And if we can do that, our lives will be richer and fuller for it.
That is my personal goal right now. Try to be a better example for my boys. Try to be more patient, understanding, open.
Here are a couple cute pics from last week

Bath time buddies

 

Michael is starting to love the beach!